Snippets That Embody The Reality of Being a Single 22 Year Old

“I am a Cocoon of angst”

“Generally I just feel like I embody Tswifts ‘darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a day dream’ minus being dressed like a daydream”

“Literally I just ate a square foot of carbs and I’m so thrilled about it”

“Two girls ride up in an elevator. One gets off to get free cookies. The other gets off to workout. Which one could be me?”

“Raise your hand if you are exhausted, a little hung over, were hit on by a creepy manager, and still didn’t get the hot guy’s number.”

“There will not be a second date………”

“I literally just fell off a chair trying to kill a spider”

“They don’t make them cookie cutter boo. Believe me I’ve looked. The cookies cutter looking ones are laden with mental deficits”

**PS. HUGE shout out to my besties and our group text. You make adulting smile-worthy

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Consulting: as described by GIFs

If picture is worth a thousand words, a GIF has to be worth a million. After two months of being a real “successful” employed adult in the consulting industry. I have decided there is no better way to describe the consulting lifestyle than through Spongebob GIFs.

Behold: 11 times Consulting was best described by Spongebob GIFs.

Traveling to a Client Site. Goodbye apartment. Remind me why I pay rent?

Roll Off

Achieving Platinum Status at your hotel and on your airline.

Platinum Status Continue reading

Power Posse

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This is what my celeb power posse is like in my imagination

Traveling for work means that I am sorely lacking a posse. I hang out at the office, and spend a lot of time in a hotel room by myself. And when I do venture down to the hotel bar for a glass or two of wine, I’m surrounded almost exclusively by men my dad’s age in suits. Thankfully I have some great friends who are always willing to chat when I’m feeling lonely, but I still have a lot of time to day dream.

In some of this free time I’ve been thinking about  which celebrities (or pseudo-celebrities) I would want to be best friends with and have around to hang out. Who knows, maybe if this goes viral I’ll actually be able to hang out with one (or all?!) of them. Continue reading

Thoughts on Pay Day

YES YES YES YES YESSSS!

I have monies!! Time to pay all of my bills………YAY!

Shoot.

I need a pedicure, desperately.

But student loans. Ugh.

Wait…. where did it all go?

What the heck did I buy this month on my Amex?

Oh…. right… that…… Target. damnit Target.

I worked so hard and it all gone. waaaahhh.

Thank goodness I like mac and cheese? cheap groceries for the win!

Adulting is hard.

You Know You’re an Adult When…

You are REALLY excited to pay your bills.

The prospect of tailgating for a weekend seems at once both exciting and unbelievable exhausting..You regularly go to bed before midnight.

You actively research 401Ks, interest rates, and investment opportunities.

You seriously consider buying a house in the near future.

Home is no longer where your parents live.

You wear a professional dress and HEELS (not just heels, PUMPS) to the airport. Because you are traveling for business and can’t look like you just rolled out of bed.

You follow the stock market as a hobby.

You go to a bar on a Thursday night and leave before 1am because you are tired and the loud music is giving you a headache.

Growing Old is Mandatory, Growing Up Isn’t

There are some hallmarks of childhood that I have officially decided most certainly have a place in adulthood. (Because I totally have that authority)

Children’s movies. Specifically Hercules. If you haven’t watched it recently, go watch it. Its fabulous.

Mac and Cheese. Forget the “grown up” truffle oil, lobster, duck fat mac and cheese. Good old pasta and cheese sauce is some of the best comfort food there is. Its not fancy, you’ve probably been eating it since you were three, and its only gotten better.

Funfetti cake. I dare you to be unhappy while eating funfetti cake.

Coloring. Apparently when you are an adult you can call it meditation and sound sophisticated. (true story, check it out)

Early bed time. You might feel lame going to bed at 8:30pm but trust me, that 10 hours of sleep is even more amazing as an adult.

Being a tourist. Kids are never ashamed to be tacky tourists and marvel in wide-eyed wonder and buy cheap souvenirs. As adults we pretend to be sophisticated, but this is still just as much fun as it used to be. (*see segway tour photos*)

Magic. While I haven’t entirely accepted that the wonderful world of Harry Potter doesn’t exist (even though I never got my letter from Hogwarts), being an adult means being a little bit more subtle about your belief in magic. But here’s the deal. Its still undeniably awesome.

The World from a Segway

Greetings. I did it. I’m one of those people who goes on a Segway tour.

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Yes. I look like a total dork. They make you wear a helmet and a neon vest. And then let you roll around in public. But it was SO much fun. I highly recommend. Once you get over the fact that you look like a total loser, and accept that every single local is judging you, its awesome.

It takes a little bit of getting used to. Honestly, until you get used to zipping around its kind of terrifying. Truly Segways just seem unnatural. There appears to be no logical reason that they should stand up and not be absolute death traps. But once you get the hang of it you kind of feel like a superhero.

Until someone out on their evening run passes you on your Segway. Then you feel like a loser again. But you are having WAY more fun than they are.

This is what adulting looks like.

Who knows maybe I’ll be the first person to ride a Segway on all seven continents.

Universal Truths of Friendship and Adulting

Traveling on my first ever business trip this week, real life has flown at me a lot faster than expected. Its been overwhelming and fun, and I’ve been learning a lot. Lucky for me, one of my best friends from college is living in the city that I’m visiting for work. I was able to see her last night for drinks and dim sum. It was SO good to see someone I’ve missed so much and be totally weird together.

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Awkward snapchat photo of me enjoying dim sum: taken by my friend

What follows are some “Universal Truths” about adulthood and friendship that I’ve derived from bumbling through my first business trip:

True friendship: “He could have a rug for a face, but if he treated you well I would be like… ABSO-fruit-ly.”

Fact: All adults crave tater tots 24/7.

Help I need an adult…. wait. crap. WE are the adults someone needs now.

Friendship is when you can have an entire conversation based on odd sounds, strange faces, and amateur contortions.

BRUNCH. Brunch is a thing. A magical, magical, wonderful thing.

People who seem like they have it together are most likely faking it.

Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Unless its ice cream. Then you definitely should.

Moving your body makes you happier.

Your mom misses you more than you miss your dog.

Some secrets are ACTUALLY secret. Most aren’t. But its REALLY important to know the difference.

Getting ready in 15 minutes is an important skill to have… but make sure you look in the mirror before you leave the house.

Boredom and confusion can be a truly bonding experience.

Don’t freak out. But if you do its OK too. That’s why friends are there.

Questions inspired by adulting

  1. Is the mold I’m scraping out of my shower toxic?
  2. Why is Tinder guru not a marketable profession?
  3. Am I really allowed to be unsupervised in the city?
  4. Does that mean that I am now considered the responsible adult?
  5. How many throw pillows is too many throw pillows?
  6. Am I walking the wrong way? Again?
  7. Where is that smell on the train coming from?
  8. So I know East is right on a map… but where exactly is that in three dimensions?
  9. WHY would any sane person make a phone call in a public restroom? No one wants to hear you pee.
  10. 410-QUE???
  11. Will I die if I eat these berries without washing them?
  12. Is duct tape or a rubber band a better solution to fix my faulty toilet?
  13. Can everyone else tell I don’t feel like a real adult yet?
  14. Is that guy single?
  15. How on earth did I function on 4 hours of sleep on a regular basis in college?