Insecurity: A thing with gossamer wings

Insecurity is an ugly winged creature. It’s black sleek body  and delicate wings masquerade as elegance, but its beady yellow eyes and long gnarled talons betray its secrets. .

It lands first, light as a feather so sleek, black body so elegant, green/grey gossamer wings that shimmer and hold promises of magical things if only….. and that’s when it digs those gnarled talons into your shoulder. Takes root. Takes hold, and refuses to leave. Its a silent gaurd whispering doubts into the thoughts you have.

Do you deserve what you have? Are you really capable of doing the job you have? Do people really enjoy being around you? Does that guy who is flirting with you really think you’re cute? Should you be doing better? Could you be doing more?

It hisses. And whispers. And suddenly the demon that once perched on your shoulder is in you. In the tangled web of your thoughts, and dreams, and deepest secrets, and most fragile hopes; this demon haphazardly pulls a string here and a thread there and twists them and bends them and warps them to create its nest.

And it becomes evident, this demon is home now. He has no plans to leave. He has warped your past and whispers malice about your future. He is arrogant. He came in, an uninvited guest, and took up residence. For most of us he’s been there so long that we can’t remember a time before insecurity moved in.

This is how I think of insecurity. That little voice in my head that doubts, that worries, that tells me that I am not good enough. Not good enough for the job, Not good enough for a man, not good enough to accomplish something amazing. And I know. This voice is not me.

I am a strong, intelligent, confident, beautiful, ambitious, successful, happy young woman.

I may never entirely evict the demon that has taken up residence in my mind. But I can make his voice smaller. And mine bigger. And remember, that insecurity is the guest who has over stayed his welcome. And in the words of my father: “My house. My rules.”

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